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Casting Off The Curse

November 6, 2015 by Sara

“Don’t get so officious, you’re not yourself when you’re officious.
That’s the curse of a government job.”
~ Maude

Dame Marjorie Chardem, better known as Maude, is a person who guides me through life with her enthusiasm and wisdom.  She lives in the movie Harold and Maude, my favorite movie of all time.

Maude has a penchant for stealing cars but doesn’t have a driver’s license because she doesn’t “believe in them.”  That’s what she told the police officer who pulled her over for speeding.  With some prodding the police officer found out that not only had she been speeding but had also stolen the truck she was driving, as well as the little tree and shovel in the back of the truck.  The discourse between Maude and the police officer prompted her to comment on officiousness.

“That’s the curse of a government job.”

I have a government job and I know all about officiousness.  I’m professional with my coworkers, supervisors, and the clients I meet nearly every day.  The thing is, I work in an area away from most of the people I work with, so they don’t see me rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of government protocol.  They don’t hear me swearing under my breath about mistakes I make in the midst of the overwhelmedness of my workload.  They don’t know I’m burnt out and resentful of our clients.  I’m a professional.  I’m officious.  At least in the eyes of those with whom I work.

But as Maude says, “you’re not yourself when you’re officious.”  How true that is.  If that’s the case, I can only assume “myself” is hidden for ten hours a day, five days a week.  That can’t be a good thing, and it sucks a lot of energy out of me.  But if I were “myself,” I would have been fired from my job a long time ago.

I’ve been trying to balance officiousness with my true self for over three decades.  Psychologically speaking, that’s a heavy load to carry and can’t be too helpful in the quest for self-actualization – too much cognitive dissonance.  It makes me wonder how much I’ll flourish after I retire from the day job and only have to be myself.  My guess is…lots.

Maude ended up distracting the officious police officer and stealing his motorcycle to get on with her business of replanting the little city tree in the forest.  When Harold and Maude reached the forest and planted the tree Maude said, “The earth is my body and my head is in the stars…who said that?”  Harold replies, “I don’t know.”  Maude smiles and says, “Well, I guess I did.”

I’m so looking forward to trashing my officiousness.  I want to be like Maude.  I want to be myself.

 

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The End of Tennis Season

November 5, 2015 by Sara

As you may or may not know, Charlotte and I have the tradition of Tennis Tuesday during the spring, summer and fall months when we’re both in town and the weather is good.  We were both on the tennis team in high school and let me tell you, we looked smashing in those little tennis dresses.  We went for years without playing, but then we were inspired and decided to devote sunny Tuesday evenings to tennis ~ I’m sure our tennis coach is giggling in his grave.

We’re a sight to behold, but they say tennis is an ageless sport.  Charlotte says that because we both have grey hair we have an excuse to suck.  Hey, at least we’re out there trying to stay in shape and acquire the endorphins coveted by all athletes.

This week on Tuesday, November 3 the weather was perfect, sunny and sixty-eight degrees, for one last hurrah on the tennis court for Charlotte and me.  It was a little windy but nothing two grey-haired pros like us couldn’t handle.  I don’t know if we’ve ever played into November.

Alas, the wind will blow cold and the balls are flat.  The season is over.  Next for the tennis team long-timers is the end-of-season tennis banquet.  We get together for a delicious dinner and libations to celebrate our success.  There may even be a trophy presented.

 

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Wordless Wednesday

November 4, 2015 by Sara

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Confessions Of A Dedicated (!?!) Civil Servant

November 3, 2015 by Sara

My life seems to be all about exhaustion these days, and it makes me feel like a wimp.

Why is it I can’t manage to do anything after I come home from the day job?  I’m the one who can overcome obstacles.  I’m the one who pulls all-nighters trying to get things done for my crafty business.  These days I can’t even think hard enough to compose a list of things to do much less actually do those things.  The exhaustion I have is emotional, and the worst part – it comes from the day job.

I never, in a million years, would have guessed I have so much invested in this job.  My dedication these days is puzzling, and is sucking the life out of me.

I have to detach myself.

Did I just say that?  I’ve despised so much about my day job for so long, feeling very removed from it, and yet now I feel I have to detach.  When did I become attached?  About two months ago when turned in my intent to retire letter.

I never realized what an important job I have and how difficult it is to train a replacement.  I never realized that several people actual covet my job and resent the process by which my replacement has been chosen (and I don’t blame them).  I never realized how much I want those I work with to have a smooth transition to the next person to hold my job.

Well, I don’t like this one bit.  It has to stop, because I’m tired, and tired of feeling like a wimp.  Today I will become strong again and leave the mental garbage at work.  After all, I have a thirty-five-year history of doing just that.

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A Wonderful Weekend With A Vampire

November 2, 2015 by Sara

It’s the beginning of a new week, and an interesting week it will be.

I’m glad I began the week (or ended last week) with a very wonderful Saturday and Sunday.  One very fun thing that was available to me was a thirty-six-hour binge of Dark Shadows on one of our local TV stations.  I remember rushing home from school oh so many years ago (grade school – Catholic grade school!) to watch this macabre, supernatural soap opera.  I’m surprised my mom let me watch it.  Seeing it nearly fifty years later was hysterical.  Not only did it have the dialog of a soap opera (generally pretty bad) but the lighting, the pace,  and the “scary” subject matter were really fun to watch.  Jonathan Frid was a pretty schmaltzy vampire, but he got me hooked on the genre at an early age.  Plus I have a ring just like his because of my great affection for Barnabas Collins.  Luckily I didn’t incorporate his hairdo .

I did lots of yard work and winter preparation at my parents’ house.  I finally got some cleaning done in my own house – I haven’t spent much time with that since before my vacation in August.  Dust bunnies were breeding like crazy!  I did laundry and cleaned toilets, along with may other tidying and cleaning up.  It was a very domestic weekend and it felt great.

I listened to FoJo’s radio show yesterday.  For those of you who haven’t kept up, Fojo is my nephew.  He’s the foremost radio personality on the U of M Morris radio station,  presenting a show every Sunday on KUMM.  It’s always fun listening to him, and I even called in a music request – a very obscure one at that.  Mel Brooks singing High Anxiety.  Fojo tracked it down and played it for me.  The song was running through my head all of last week.  Gee, do you think I might be a little high strung these days?

High strung, probably because it’s the beginning of a week at the day job that will be quite interesting.  Today I’m going to meet with a couple of people to see what’s really going on at the Agency of Free Handouts.  I’m angry and frustrated about what’s going on concerning my replacement once I retire; on the other hand, why do I even care?  Because I’ve got nearly thirty-six years invested and have become enamored with some of the people I’ve known for nearly as long, that’s why.  Red tape and secret practices are a bad thing when it comes to government employment, and I plan to blow the situation sky high if I can help it.

I’ve developed a lot of nerve now that the end is near.

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