My life seems to be all about exhaustion these days, and it makes me feel like a wimp.
Why is it I can’t manage to do anything after I come home from the day job? I’m the one who can overcome obstacles. I’m the one who pulls all-nighters trying to get things done for my crafty business. These days I can’t even think hard enough to compose a list of things to do much less actually do those things. The exhaustion I have is emotional, and the worst part – it comes from the day job.
I never, in a million years, would have guessed I have so much invested in this job. My dedication these days is puzzling, and is sucking the life out of me.
I have to detach myself.
Did I just say that? I’ve despised so much about my day job for so long, feeling very removed from it, and yet now I feel I have to detach. When did I become attached? About two months ago when turned in my intent to retire letter.
I never realized what an important job I have and how difficult it is to train a replacement. I never realized that several people actual covet my job and resent the process by which my replacement has been chosen (and I don’t blame them). I never realized how much I want those I work with to have a smooth transition to the next person to hold my job.
Well, I don’t like this one bit. It has to stop, because I’m tired, and tired of feeling like a wimp. Today I will become strong again and leave the mental garbage at work. After all, I have a thirty-five-year history of doing just that.
Auntie B's Wax 
Oh, that has to be hard, Sara. No matter what you felt about your day job, I know you put your heart into it, and did it well. It must be excruciating to hand it off to others without your dedication! Good luck!
No excruciating by any means. I don’t feel that bad about passing the torch. However, it’s true that I feel a certain responsibility to those I’m leaving behind – the one who replaces me and those to whom she or he will support. I’m torn. Either I feel so eager to get out of that environment or I feel like I should stay until everything is in place. It’s a pickle I don’t care to be in.
Sara, for people like us, it’s hard to put ourselves first. We feel so selfish, right? But sometimes we must in order to survive (let alone thrive). I hated leaving my teaching job, especially knowing that a supremely incompetent person waited in the wings for me to leave so she could take my place. I just had to let go of the belief that I was irreplaceable. I was wonderful at my job and loved it, but it was time for me to tend to other, equally important business of my own. So I thought of my leaving as more of a transition to something different, rather than a failure at what I could do no longer. If you’re drained of all creative juices, you know something must change–you’re too creative person! 🙂
I’ve owned my job for nearly thirty-five years. Different positions, but my job in the same organization. I can’t say that I’ve loved my job, but I’ve owned it, and have always done the best job I can in any position in which I’ve been placed. The time for change is now, and it will be interesting to see what becomes of that change. You’ve found ways to roll with the changes and so will I. Keep posted to see what my retirement life becomes ~ I will!
Thanks for your support and encouragement!
I hope you will keep me posted, Sara. Retirement can be wonderful as long as you find something meaningful to do with your time. You don’t have to stay busy, just find meaning. 🙂