Posts Tagged ‘depression’

And Then Came Covid

Not long after the Witch cast her spell on me, I was in the car with Charlotte, going to a back-to-back hair appointment with our favorite dresser. Charlotte and I discussed a deadly virus finding its way around the world. It was January, 2020.

In less than three months Corona Virus hit the United States and non-essential activities became a thing of the past. Non-essential. What is that? Haircuts? Shopping at Michael’s? Going to the library or Barnes & Noble? Out to dinner with Husby once in a while? Groceries and medical assistance are “essential,” I decided. Health and safety. So I complied by undertaking my own quarantine, for my good and the good of society in general. I’ve been complying for over a year now.

Back in March, 2020 I knew the pandemic wasn’t going to end any time soon. As a result, the spell cast by the Witch three months prior had been fueled by The Virus, taking the spell into a much deeper dimension, aka, depression. I’m kind of a hermit anyway, but when a deadly pandemic (or anything/anyone else) tells me I can’t do something, I get antsy. Of course I want to keep myself and everyone around me safe, but the restraints became annoying.

I haven’t had a haircut since that day in January, 2020. Haircuts are non-essential. And my cute, curly bob hairdo has turned into a ball of frizz due to my tying my ever-growing hair back with clips and binders. My spirits sank deeper as the months of quarantine wore on. And my hair, well, it’s not boding well to this day.

At least I’m COVID-free…so far.

Stay safe out there, still.

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The Lost Year

Four hundred and sixty-nine days ago I experienced an injury. It was an injury I never would have guessed to be so devastating. It was Christmas time…

I received a figurative a stab in the back. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but the sharp, long blade penetrated through to my heart. My heart. My heart was broken.

I didn’t realize the gravity of my injury at the time, as I was focused on the pettiness, greediness, and disregard that caused this attack upon me. I was more angry than wounded, and I didn’t realize the attack wasn’t about me.

Finally, I felt betrayed. Friends had apparently turned against me at the will (perhaps) of the wicked witch. I heard nothing from those friends throughout my suffering. Did they even know I was suffering? Stabbed in the back, through to the heart?

To those friends I hold no ill will. Saving themselves is about all they could do stay afloat. However, I resent the fact that they were used as pawns to defend the case of the one who attacked me. The stab in the back, thrusting through to my heart.

I didn’t even know how much this witch affected me until much too late. I felt the stab in my back, but not the pierce to my heart. Not for a long while. But other people noticed. Some commented. I tried to make excuses for my behavior, but the depression of a broken heart gave me away. At last…

One day I realized how no one has as much power over me than me. I took a good look at the person who tried to claim power over me and thought about her sad, pathetic behavior. During the epiphany I channeled Glinda, the Good Witch of the North.

“You have no power here. Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!”

Slowly my wounds are healing. I’m a bit ashamed it took so long, but better late than never. The wicked witch has no more control over me. I’m stronger and better than the bully who contrived lies to crush my spirit.

Don’t let bullies get you down. Don’t believe the lies they tell you. Above all, don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of your path. Kick obstacles away and tread on. Don’t lose a whole year for the likes of a wicked witch.

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Things are weird.  Times are weird.  People are weird.  All of these things make me weird.  Weirdness is the thing these days.  Pick a topic and I’ll guarantee you there will be something weird about it, religiously, politically, socially, anything-ally.

Lost in a funk that has lasted more than a few days I found myself screaming because of life itself.

Me, on life.

Me, on life.

I have the tools and resources to pull myself out of such a funk; therefore, I sometimes dwell in the darkness for a while, to see if there’s anything useful I can find.  You see, darkness has many answers.

I’m not going to tell you the answers I’ve found, nor am I going to share my tools and resources.  All of those things are for you to discover, uncover, and perhaps even recover.  For I believe the weirdness of life must be sorted out by each person individually.  However, there are a few things I’d like to share…

  • Respect, honor, and care for your elders
  • Never compare yourself to others
  • Just because the world has seemingly gone mad doesn’t mean you have to
  • Vote on November 8, but only if you’ve been objectively informed

Doom, gloom, and weirdness don’t have to stop you in your tracks.  Decide to be happy and you will be.

Kind of scary, but happy nevertheless.


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Last week was kind of a rough one for me.  I wasn’t sleeping well and I had the blues.  At times like that I want to retreat and be away from everyone and everything.  I put on a happy face around people, but it exhausts me to fake it.  Luckily Husby gets it when I’m like that.  He knows conversing with me won’t be particularly engaging or entertaining, so he pretty much leaves me alone to work my way through the bad patch.  As much as I wanted to be completely isolated I was so grateful he was my friend, because one day he gave me this:

Kisses don’t always cure the blues, but chocolate always makes me smile.

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Lately I’ve had to do a lot of grown-up things and it’s just wearing me down.  Big grown up things like making decisions and providing for myself.  Oh, some of you may laugh, but I know there’s a bunch of you out there who know exactly what I’m talking about.

Allie knows what I’m talking about and has depicted her version of conquering enduring adulthood here.  I love the productivity chart and can completely relate to it.

When I get worn down by the daily grind of adulthood I lose sight of the joy that is everywhere around me.  No one should be devoid of joy.  It’s against the nature of life.  And when it’s time for me to find some bliss again I look to my heroine, Dame Marjorie Chardem, better known as Maude.

Time for a little Harold and Maude, I believe. Life affirming, uplifting, spiritual and funny. Maude, in her mature adulthood, held onto that child-like wonder and never stopped seeing the world as a place of pure delight.

You can do what you want, the opportunity’s on

And if you find a new way, you can do it today

You can make it all true, and you can make it undo you see…

Ah, it’s easy

Ah, you only need to know…

Cat Stevens

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