Auntie B's Wax

Things are kind of weird at the Auntie B’s Wax World Headquarters these days.  Luckily I know someone who’s going through the same weirdness I am.  The someone is my long-time friend Mary Ann, and the weirdness is commonly known as retirement.

Don’t roll your eyes, you nine-to-fivers.  I used to react the same way when anyone spoke of anything but utter joy when it came to retirement, but in reality it’s weird.

Mary Ann and I had lunch and discussed something we’d never imagine discussing six months ago – how weird retirement is.  It’s not bad, but it’s definitely different.  Neither of us wants to go back to work, but both of us are finding the abundance of time both heavenly and hellish.  In a word, weird.

We’re adjusting to a new way a life, not unlike when a young adult moves out on her own for the first time.  I remember the time soon after I moved into my first apartment how I mixed up a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough and ate it with a spoon.  On the couch in front of the TV!  Why?  Because I could. Even though it felt glorious, it was kind of weird.

Mary Ann and I concluded that procrastination equals cookie dough during the early stages of retirement.  Why would I wait to clean the bathroom?  Because I can.  Why would I put off folding laundry when it’s done drying?  Because I can. As luxurious as that may sound (despite wrinkled clothes and a scummy bathtub), what we do during the time we’re not doing those other things seems…weird.  And the guilt ensues.

We made a pact with each other to develop some kind of routine that fits our respective lifestyles.  Even though eating raw cookie dough gave me a sense of freedom when I was embarking on my new adult life, it didn’t become a regular practice.  While embarking on my new retired life I’m have a new sense of freedom, but procrastination shouldn’t become a regular practice.

To procrastination I say, as I said to my former employer, “I QUIT.”  Hopefully that will put an end to the weirdness.

PS – Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  Interestingly, today would have marked my 36th year working for the government.  I don’t miss it at all, even though things are kind of weird.

PPS – The first person to tell me how many times the word “weird” is used in this post will receive an invisible gift.