Auntie B's Wax

At long last I’m presenting the second part of the most recent Dive Night at Goby’s.  Let me give you a little background first.

I moved into an apartment when I was 22 years old.  It was in a very cool part of town in a fairly vintage building.  There were several colleges in the neighborhood, none of which I was attending.  Right across the street from my apartment was a classy place called Plums.  The college kids would dress up and pretend to be high-brows at Plums.  There was drinking and dancing and picking up of prospective mates at Plums.  The decor was burgundy, which was a very popular color in the ’80s, and also kind of goes with the name, Plums.  I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to live right across the street from such a happening place, and I visited often.

When we had our Dive Night meal at Goby’s we decided to have a nightcap at Plums, which is right next door to Goby’s.  How handy!  I also thought a blast from my past would be fun.  Let me just tell you it’s true when they say, you can’t go home.

Plums. Corner of Snelling and Randolph in St. Paul, MN.

Walking into Plums was like walking thirty years into the past.  The decor was still deep burgundy.  For a split second I felt like I had gone home, but then we were seated and I began to see what had really become of Plums.

This is the chair I sat on. Not only was the seat torn but the legs were wobbly. I looked for another chair for swapping, but they were all like this.

This is the floor under the table at which we were sitting. What are those black flecks?!

A couple of things were a little different from the Plums I knew.  For one thing there were tables on the dance floor, so I assume no one dances there anymore.  I wonder if they even play music.  There was none playing while we were there.  For another thing they have installed a pull tab booth, complete with old lady pull tab seller.  And you think the floor was bad under our table?  Check out the floor by the pull tab booth.

Some tabs, some poop, and a worm.

Yes, Plums does sell food.  Most of the people who were eating were out on the patio.  I’m not surprised as it was a lovely evening, and it was probably much cleaner outside than it was inside.  And don’t think Plums is a place for scumbags.  Over there at the bar we saw one of St. Paul’s finest chatting it up with another patron.

Hey there, cutie. Come here often?

When we were looking over at Officer Studly we noticed something very peculiar.  There was something hanging out of one of the vents on the ceiling.  Someone said, “it’s a rat tail!”  Well what else could it be?  So I walked over and tried to take the best picture I could without looking too conspicuous.

Ben, the two of us need look no more. We both found what we were looking for.*

Apparently I wasn’t as inconspicuous as I intended as the minute I returned to our table the waitress came up and asked what I was taking a picture of.  “The rat tail hanging from the vent,” said Husby.  She claimed there was a balloon hanging there at one time.  I didn’t believe her.  Also, Husby said that while I was taking the picture Officer Studly was looking at me with his mouth hanging open, trying to figure out what I found so interesting about a rat tail hanging out of the vent.

Suffice it to say Plums was never as filthy as it was the night we went, and no one seemed to care.  The owner walked around the place in his Dockers and polo shirt with a toothpick hanging out of his mouth.  If I were him I would have been mortified, especially knowing someone was taking pictures of the poopy floors and rat tails in the ceiling vents.

I’ll fondly remember my days at Plums thirty years ago, but I will never, ever go back again.  As disgusting as the public area was I can’t even imagine what the kitchen looked like.  Yow.

* For those of you too young to remember, Ben was the pet rat of a guy named Willard in the movie Willard.  Michael Jackson sang the theme song, Ben.  These are some of the lyrics to that song.